Estêvão didn’t just score—he rewrote the laws of physics. At 5’7”, he’s not a wonderkid… he’s a statistical anomaly wearing cleats. His xA? Higher than your ex’s last text message. Palmeiras’ Club World Cup? More like Palmeiras’ GPS glitching through GDPR-compliant traffic cones. If you think Haaland is the king… then Estêvão is the quiet algorithm that won again. (And yes, he did it without children.) What did you see? He didn’t even land at Heathrow—he just out-assisted reality.

Carvalho traded his cleats for camel rides? 🐫📉 My spreadsheets weep. At 9, he joined Espanyol’s academy—now he’s outscoring La Liga with desert wages and guaranteed minutes (that’s 3x the average!). His transfer isn’t hype—it’s a Bayesian prayer wrapped in silk. If he returns to Europe? Probability says ‘maybe… but only if the camels learn Portuguese.’ What did you see that they didn’t? 👀 #DataOverSpectacle